Nikki Glaser Reveals Jokes Cut From Golden Globes: ‘Can’t Say That On TV’
Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser is being praised for her performance on Sunday night, including her willingness to poke fun at the celebrities in attendance. Now, the 40-year-old stand-up comedian is sharing ten jokes that were cut from her monologue for various reasons.
Glaser revealed the provocative jokes, including quips about Adolf Hitler, Diddy, and Alec Baldwin, during an appearance on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show on Monday, per The Hollywood Reporter. She told the talk show host she added these particular jokes to the “Stern files” because, “We can’t say that on TV. We cannot say that to people’s faces.”
First up was a general remark about Sean “Diddy” Combs’ sexual assault accusations and who else might be implicated. So far, the only other named celebrity in one of the lawsuits is Jay-Z.
One of the cut jokes said, “This is the last time all of you will be in the same room together until the Diddy trial.”
Glaser told Stern, “We had another Diddy mention that worked better … and you only get one Diddy mention. You’re also accusing the people in the room of being involved in that, and they might turn on you.”
Instead of that, during the show, Glaser said, “[‘Challengers’] was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card. I know… I’m upset, too. The after-party isn’t going to be as good this year, but we have to move on.”
Glaser then joked, “Stanley Tucci freak-off doesn’t have the same ring to it,” adding, “No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil.”
Another joke that got cut was about the Catholic church. The joke went, “I loved ‘Conclave.’ It’s about choosing a new pope. It was heartwarming. It will touch you so much that the church will have to move it to another theater. Hot tip: You don’t need ID to get into the Conclave afterparty.”
“We didn’t do those because they were Catholic Church pedophile jokes — we’ve all heard them, we don’t need more of that,” Glaser told Stern.
Another joke that never got told was an extended version of the comedian calling Adrien Brody a “two-time Holocaust survivor,” referencing the fact that he appeared in two Holocaust movies (“The Pianist” and “The Brutalist”). The part that was cut said, “If Adrien Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career.”
“I loved that one such much,” Glaser told Stern. “But my assistant is Gen Z and she was like, ‘I don’t get it’” due to the time travel/kill Hitler reference being, apparently, a bit dated. “Oh, we’re going to lose a whole generation on that joke, and then I’ve said ‘Hitler’ for nothing.’”
Another cut joke referenced the Hawk Tuah girl, Hailey Welch.
It said, “‘Only Murders in the Building’ is amazing. I think it’s so cool that legends like Steve Martin, Martin Short and Meryl Streep are still at it. It just goes to show you that you’re never too old to still need money. Why are you still working so hard? What’s going on, did you get caught up in the Hawk Tuah crypto scheme?”
Another of Glaser’s jokes referenced Luigi Mangione, the man accused of murdering UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.
“Glen Powell is nominated tonight for ‘Hit Man.’ Who would have thought you’d only be the second-hottest hit man in America?” the joke said, but Glaser cut it because the story faded out of the news cycle.
Another cut joke said, “The only show where you can see the biggest stars in movies and television join together with a common goal: Getting out here tonight before Dax Shepard asks them to do his podcast.”
The comedian said she cut a joke about Nicole Kidman so the actress wouldn’t make a face at it: “The Wild Robot is nominated tonight — and by that I mean Nicole Kidman after two white wines,” the joke said.
Glaser also mentioned one that said, “Timothée Chalamet took lessons in guitar, dialect, movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan [in ‘A Complete Unknown’]. While Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way: heroin and autism.”
A joke about Alec Baldwin was ultimately deemed “too mean” by the stand-up comedian.
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It said, “Michael Keaton was so great in ‘Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.’ And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them.”
Another cut joke said, “Here’s Ben Affleck. I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next.”
The Golden Globes host said she’s upset about messing up the Affleck joke she did include in her monologue.
During the broadcast, Glaser said, “Wicked, Queer, Nightbitch — these are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight.”
“It was supposed to be ‘when he orgasms’ and I said ‘after’ and it really bugged me,” she told Stern. “It still works. It’s just less clear. It’s 2 percent more funny [the other way].”
Ultimately, Glaser told the podcast host she was pleased with her monologue. “I went to bed happy,” she said.